Nightmares bring us closer
by andtogetherwewillrise
Summary: Beckett is having trouble sleeping, and Castle's trying to help her somehow. Eventually a time-bomb will explode. Oneshot, and I wrote it after 4x10, "Cuffed" had aired. There might be spoilers.


„I think it's time to have that talk." she started quietly. She looked up at his face. He was tired of arguing about something that wasn't worth arguing at all, even though he wasn't able to be mad at her. All he wanted was just to kiss her, but that wouldn't make any sense now and she'd probably kick his ass.

„Yeah, maybe it is." he replied. „I'm sorry for pushing you." he started. „I know you're not ready, but yet I want you to know that I'm always here, you can always come to me, Kate." he said. He meant it; he meant what he had just said. He loved Kate and she knew it, but she had so many walls around herself and had so many fears, she couldn't just easily admit that she felt the same way. Rick was right; maybe she wasn't ready for the true love yet.

She hadn't had any fun after her mother's death until he came around. He was funny and she liked that. He was charming and she liked that. She didn't care about fame and money like the other women, she wanted a friend and she got it. She had him for the very first time and she hadn't even realized that before.

„And I'm sorry for being so selfish, Rick." she said. „I… you know, it's not easy for me, to open up to people. I put up so many walls after the first months without her, you can't even imagine, this is why I can't be the person I really want to be." he wanted to say something but before he could figure out something, she continued. „Do you know why I dated Josh?" she asked then saw his curious face. She looked down at her fingers and continued. „I dated him, because I wanted a guy, but not someone to love. I wanted someone next to me; I wanted someone who didn't want me to open up, someone who didn't want me to tell them all my secrets and everything that happened in my past. I know it sounds selfish, but I didn't want to love him, because I still remember the pain I felt when I lost her." she said with teary eyes. Her mother's memory was a painful thought. „I don't want to feel that pain again, Rick." she looked up at him. He could almost feel how uncomfortable she was at the moment.

„You deserve to be happy, Kate, whatever it takes. You can't be afraid of love for your entire life." he sat next to her. He wanted to hug her so badly, but he was afraid that Kate would take it as pushing. „We'll find a way to break down your walls, they won't be there forever. And when they come down, I'll be right here, I promise."

„Thank you for being so understanding with me." she hugged him. He was surprised, but he hugged her back. It was such a good feeling, he felt like he could stay like this forever.

„Always." he said. They were in silence for a few minutes then Kate started to speak.

„Sometimes I dream that I got shot and I'm lying on the ground with a bullet in my chest. It's not in my heart, but hurts as hell. People don't care about me, nobody notices me, nobody cares that I'm dying there. And then I see you. You're coming to me, but you never reach me… and I always wake up before… before you saved me from death." she said quietly.

„I'm so sorry, Kate. You know what? Come to my house tonight. It's Friday and Gates gave you the next week out, so you don't have anything to do tomorrow. We can watch movies and eat popcorn and laugh. We don't even have to share a bedroom, okay? Just… be there, so I can help if you dreamt that again." he offered.

„Is it a good idea?" she murmured. She really wanted to go, but she wasn't sure she could stay away from him. Not today. She was so weak and they were so close…

„I told you, we don't have to be in the same room. You know that there are many comfortable guestrooms at my loft, you can pick one. What do you say?"

„What about Martha and Alexis? Would they be happy to have me there for the night? I don't think they would like it…" she tried to escape from her feelings again. Yeah, she did.

„Kate, you know that they like you. Mother had already planned our wedding after she met you at the book signing and it wouldn't be the first night you'd spend there." he looked at her with a weird face. This sentence kind of freaked her out. Martha liked her? She wants them to get married? Getting married? _What the hell is going on?_

Rick saw her scared face, and tried to save everything that could be saved. „No, I mean… Damn, I shouldn't have said that. I'm pushing again, aren't I? Sorry for freaking you out over and over again, I'm so stupid. Please don't take it too seriously. You know what mother is like."

„No, it's okay. I'm fine. I just… God, I wasn't prepared for this. But alright, I'm game. But don't make me regret it." she let out a small laugh.

„I promise I won't." he smiled at her. „I'll send the car for you by 8. Is that okay?"

„You don't have to send a car, Castle, I have my own legs and this is why cabs exist." she rolled her eyes.

„I know but I want to." he said firmly. „Now go home, Beckett. You need some rest after a case like that. I'll be waiting." he smiled again then pulled her up. Kate smiled back at him and put on her jacket.

„Thanks again, Castle."

* * *

><p>Kate got home by 6 p.m. She decided to take a bath before packing, so she went straight to her bathroom. She took off her clothes then sank into the water.<p>

She was thinking again. Or she was _over_thinking things, like she always did.

Was it a good idea to say yes to Rick's offer? No, it definitely wasn't, but she felt herself so weak in his arms and she couldn't deny her feelings forever. Maybe it's a chance for them to talk about things, maybe this is their chance to make things alright… but probably nothing's going to happen.

She was scared. She thought of her mother, wondering what she would do now.

She'd give it a chance. Yeah. So that's what Kate was going to do. Give it a chance. _Maybe it would turn out pretty well at the end._

She spent the next thirty minutes thinking about the possibilities how the night could go then the water got cold, so she got out. She wrapped her towel around her body and walked to her closet to look for some clothes she could wear. She chose underwear, a simple pair of jeans, a red tank top and a blue cropped sweatshirt. She got dressed and got a bag out of one of the drawers. She put a long NYPD t-shirt and Abercrombie & Fitch shorts as pajamas into the bag then walked back to the bathroom for the other stuffs. She checked her watch when she was ready with the everything, but it was only 7.10.

She realized she hadn't called her dad since last week, so she sat on her bed and dialed his number.

„Katie?" she heard his voice on the other side of the line.

„Hi, dad, how are you doing?" she asked.

„I'm fine, Katie. I had three clients today. How are you?" he said quietly. He was always quiet, especially since Johanna's death.

„I'm good. I called you now because I'm going over the Castles tonight." she said. She found herself sounding excited a bit, like a teenager.

„Are you two together already?" he smiled. She could tell by his voice.

„Dad!" she giggled. _She did what?_ „We're not together."

„It's okay if you don't want to share your love life with your father, but please tell me about you two before he gets you pregnant, Katie." he was laughing, and Kate felt a little embarrassed for no reason. He was her father, she should know that he's always like this.

„Okay Dad, I promise I will let you know about _me and a guy_ before I'd get pregnant." she rolled her eyes. But she couldn't say his name. She couldn't be sure that the guy who will ever get her pregnant was Rick Castle. She couldn't say this for sure. She wasn't even sure that she'll ever have kids after what happened to her mom.

„Thanks sweetheart. And what were you planning to do?" he asked. He liked that her little girl was with Rick, he liked him. She didn't realize, but he knew Rick made her happy, and he could hear her happiness in her voice through the phone when she was talking about him. He knew his little girl will end up with the right guy, he just had to wait.

They were talking for half an hour when Rick called Kate on her home number.

„Sorry dad, I gotta answer this." she said after she took a look at the display. „We'll talk later. Bye"

„Have fun, Katie." they both hang up, so Kate could answer Rick's call.

„Hey" she said.

„Hi. I just wanted to tell you that the car is going to be there in 2 minutes. Hope you're ready and didn't change your mind." he said with some kind of joy in his voice.

„No, I'm ready to go. I just have to put on my coat and I can go down."

„Okay then. See you later, Kate." he smiled.

„See you later."

She picked up her bag, put on her usual trench coat and heels, locked the door and went down. Rick's chauffeur was already in front of the building, it wasn't hard to notice – of course he sent a limousine. She got into the car and greeted Donny, the old but very friendly and nice man.

The following 10 minutes flew away easily. Kate chatted with Donny about her work, about the weather and about everything that popped up in their minds.

* * *

><p>She knocked on the door, she didn't really care that he'd already told her that she's not a guest there. She felt knocking right, because it wasn't only Rick's place: there were two other women beyond him and she didn't want to walk in like it was her home too.<p>

Alexis opened the door and smiled at the detective automatically.

„Detective Beckett, hi." she stepped away so Kate could come in.

„Hi Alexis, how are you?" she smiled back at the girl. She actually liked the girl, she was so mature for her age. _Not like her father_ – she thought.

„I'm fine, thanks, but I have to go now; I'm late from my friend's sleepover. Dad is in the kitchen. Have fun tonight, detective! Bye." she hurried away with her backpack and coat after closing the door behind herself.

„Bye." she told the door, because the girl had already left. Kate decided to go after the older Castle into the kitchen. She found him making her favorite Indian food. It's kind of sweet of him.

„Hi, Castle." she said behind him.

„Beckett, hey" he turned around to look at her. „You're here." he looked like he didn't believe his eyes.

„Yeah, I think I am." she smiled. „What are you making? It smells great."

„Thank you, detective, I'm making that Chinese salad you like so much."

„You remembered? That's sweet." she watched him as he stirred together some brown rice, asparagus, red pepper, raisins and apples. „Where's Martha?" she asked after she looked around. Martha usually greeted her immediately.

„She's at the theatre, she has a play tonight." he answered easily. „Take your coat off then you can help me with this or choose a movie." he offered.

„Okay, I'll be back in a minute." she said then put her things down in the hall. „Where are the DVDs?" she asked him when she realized that she doesn't know the loft that well.

„Umm… most of them is in the living room, but there are some in my bedroom too." he answered her question. No way, she wasn't ready to go near his bedroom at all. She'd have probably stayed in his bed seeing how weak she was, so she went to the living room instead. The DVDs were on a shelf next to the three Nikki Heat books. She remembered how furious she was because of this name, how much she wanted him to change it. _It's a stripper name – _she they had had a lot of fun together while he was studying her habits.

She decided to pick out a comedy, so she knew what kind of a film she was looking for. She chose four different movies just in case if Rick didn't want to watch the first one she had chosen.

* * *

><p>„This movie was great." she sighed. She had been laughing for a while and now finally she was able to say something that made some sense.<p>

„Yeah, it was. You have an excellent taste in movies." he smiled. He stopped laughing a few moments before Kate did. „Shall we watch the last one, too?" he took the DVD out of the player, and held up the last film that Kate had chosen.

„Actually, I think it's late now, and I'm pretty tired. We should go to sleep. We'll watch that one next time, okay?" she smiled. She had fun, a lot of fun this evening.

_Next time. _Kate Beckett just said that there would be a next time. Did she, really? Or was it only his imagination?

„Alright, detective. So, which room do you want to sleep in?" he asked, still smiling like an idiot.

„I don't know, Castle, pick me one." she shrugged.

„Fine. Follow me." he helped her stand up from the floor where they were sitting, and showed her the way to a guestroom near his own bedroom. Kate felt something in her stomach, but she wasn't brave enough to admit it to herself. _She wasn't ready, no, she wasn't. _All she wanted was just to erase her stupid thoughts and feelings, and to forget about everything for a night.

„Geez, this is so big, Castle!" she put her bag on the bed and looked around. The room was mainly orange, but there were some brown decorations, too.

„Do you like it? If you don't like the color of the room, you can choose another. There's the pink one you slept in two weeks ago, a red one, a green one and this. I didn't know which one would you like, so…"

„Are you really asking me if I like this room? Geez, of course I like it, Castle. Who wouldn't like it? Thank you, seriously. I'm very grateful." she looked at him with sparks in her eyes. Rick noticed this sparkling, but he didn't say anything.

„You're always welcome, Beckett. If you want to use the bathroom, you don't have to go downstairs, there's a special one right there behind the door." he pointed there. „And if you have any problems, or feel bad, or _anything_, Kate, come to me, please. We're partners, we talk about things, 'kay?" he said with his serious face on.

„'kay." she said quietly.

„Pinky promise?" he held up his finger in front of her.

„Pinky promise." she laughed.

„Perfect. Don't forget, Kate, if you need anything, I'm right there in my bedroom. I'll leave you alone now. Goodnight, detective." he showed a little smile then walked towards his room.

Kate went to the bathroom which he was talking about and found herself in wonderland. That bathroom was as big as her own bedroom. Wow. She decided to take a bath before she went to bed. She wanted to enjoy her free time, especially now that she was in Richard Castle's house. _Damn, she was in Richard Castle's house!_

After the long bath she had taken, she put on her pajamas, cleaned her teeth, and went straight to bed. She had a long day, and it didn't really matter how much she wanted to stay awake, she felt her eyes closing, so she turned the lights off and climbed on that beautiful, big bed.

People would think that the darkness makes you sleepier. That's not true. Not with Katherine Beckett. Her mind just wouldn't shut down, and after she had realized where she was, and why was she there, her mother's memory filled her thoughts. She tried to think about something else, something happy, but it didn't work. The picture of her mother lying down there in that alley, that much of blood… it was too much for her, she couldn't hold her tears any longer.

After twenty minutes of silent crying she somehow cried herself to sleep, but it wasn't better than being awake. She had dreamt that again and woke up crying harder than any time before. She stopped crying only minutes later.

When she finally got calmer a bit, she decided to let her weakness win; she got out of the bed and walked out of the room. She stopped in front of the door of Rick's bedroom, she wasn't sure that she was at her right mind, but that was the last thing that mattered at the moment. She wanted to hug him again. To feel his arms wrapped around her body.

She opened the door quietly, she really didn't want to wake him up, but her pinky toe bumped right to the edge of the door when she was about to close it behind herself. She didn't scream, but she said some nice words to the door. It wasn't loud, but yet Castle woke up.

„Whatya' doin', Alexis?" he asked without opening his eyes.

„I'm not your daughter." she whispered.

„Kate? Am I still dreamin'? Whatya' do... Oh, Kate, right. I think I'm awake now." he sat up. „What's wrong?" he asked. She didn't move, she was still standing at the door with teary eyes. The moon lighted the room a bit, so he could see her sad face. „Oh, you…? Come here. Tell me about it, it will get better, believe me." he said then he took a look at her, memorizing every single detail of her body. She was gorgeous. If he hadn't known it better, he wouldn't have said that she had shorts on under the large NYPD t-shirt, and her long legs didn't make anything easier for him.

„I just need a hug." she stayed right there where she had been standing. Rick understood it, it wasn't needed to tell him again. He stood up and walked over her to do what she had just asked him to do. He could hardly believe that Katherine Beckett, her muse, her partner was at his loft, in his bedroom, and in his arms. But he was sure that he liked it, really-really liked it, and he was sure that she would feel the same if she didn't have nightmares. He promised himself to do everything to protect her from anything he could, so he started to speak. That was his best and most useful tool now that he was the king of words, but somehow these words were about to leave his mind.

„Calm down, Kate. It's okay." he buried his face in her hair. He knew that these words have never helped anyone, but it was still worth trying.

„I can't, Rick. I can't calm down. I… I miss her so badly, and I just can't forget her dead body lying there, and that detective who came to us and… and that son of a bitch still hasn't got caught, and somebody shot me, he could try to kill me again anytime and… God, Rick I can't deal with these things. I know I sound pathetic and everything and I'm sorry for being such an emotional failure but… I'm so sorry." she was crying again and he didn't really know what to say. Geez, it's so much easier when he's writing his books…

„You don't have to apologize, Kate. Emotions make us humans, don't be ashamed because you miss your mom. You miss her because you loved her, and I understand this. You're a human." he said. „And remember, crying only proves how strong you have been for such a long time. Okay?" he caressed her back. They stood there like this for moments then Kate broke the silence after she stopped crying and could finally take a deep breath. God, he smelled so good…

„Rick, can I stay with you for the rest of the night, please? I really don't want to be alone." she looked up at him. Where did that question even come from? She was surprised and so was he, he was only able to answer a few seconds later.

„What? I'm sorry, I heard that you wanted me to stay with you." yeah, he didn't believe his own ears. Would Kate Beckett ever say anything like this? _Nooo_.

„Because that is what I said." she said shyly. Wow, she _did_ say it…

_He doesn't want me here. How can you be so stupid, Kate?_

„Oh, okay, of course you can stay here. Do you want me to sleep on the floor?" he offered kindly. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

„Thank you, and no, I don't. I mean… the night we got cuffed together? Maybe we were drugged, but somehow we could sleep together without killing each other, right?"

„Yeah. Okay then. My bed would be happy to have you on itself, Beckett." he smiled, then they climbed on the each side of the bed. They weren't close to each other; Rick didn't dare getting closer to her, and Kate was still shocked about what she just did. She was in Richard freaking Castle's bed! _Now I could use a drink… _

After a couple of quiet moments later, Beckett started to speak.

„There's something that you should know." she turned her head to face him, so she could see his curious expression. „I remember everything." she whispered. She just felt that it's time to tell him the truth. Maybe it will hurt him and he'll get angry, but she felt brave enough to do this.

„You remember what?" he didn't know what she was talking about.

„The shooting." that was all she said.

„Uh… Since when? And what exactly do you remember?"

„I never forgot. I remember _everything_, Castle." she said quietly. „I'm sorry for not telling you before."

„You mean… everything? Everything I said?"

„Yeah, you didn't say too much. But I clearly remember those words, and… you should know that I'm really sorry for keeping it in secret, I just needed to know, to make sure that you'll wait for me. After all these weeks and mainly this day, I realized that I uh… kind of want to be with you, you know?" she was afraid of his reaction, so she decided to avoid eye-connection and looked up at the ceiling instead. She hoped that he wasn't about to freak out too much. She had already imagined every situation that they could end up in, but yet she wasn't prepared for a really angry Rick.

„You remember the '_I love you_'?" he asked her even more quietly. She nodded.

„You hate me now? You have every right to hate me, Rick…" she started but he stopped her.

„Hate you? Please, no. I can't hate you. But I'm a little mad at you." he looked at her with a bit angrier. „Why did you say that you didn't remember? I would have understood it, you needed time, I get this. You know you can tell me anything, Kate…" she nodded. „And how do you feel now? And what does 'kind of want to be with me' mean?" Rick asked after a few moments of thinking.

„It… it means… that I might love you back." she gave him a tentative smile. He looked joyful now, his eyes lit up, so Kate had more bravery to continue. „I uh… didn't want to admit it until I was sure that I felt the same… and this night seemed to be the night of the truth and I can't deny it anymore, Castle. I think I love you too. Damn, this feels good." she grinned.

„Kate…" he laughed.

„What? I… I hope you haven't changed your mind about that…" she started to worry. What if he had moved on already? Kate was now really-really worried. She just opened her heart and let him in, she didn't want to lose him after everything. Maybe telling him the truth at the moment wasn't the best idea after all.

„No, gosh, never, Kate. You're my always, and I will never ever let you go. You won't get rid of me, except if you kill me. But my ghost will haunt you, so that plan wouldn't work either." he laughed. „I love you." he finally came closer to her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Ah, no, that wasn't enough for Kate. She pressed her lips against Rick's lips and wrapped her arms around his neck. This one was their second kiss, very different from the first one. That was for an undercover mission, and they've never talked about it, but they definitely will talk about this one. Oh yeah, they will.

„When I asked you to come over, you know… I didn't think that this would happen. But I have no regrets." he positioned himself next to her and wrapped his arms around her. That was the best feeling they've experienced, for both of them.

„Me neither. I'm glad I did it." she said.

„You know… we should go on a date, like officially." he smiled.

„Definitely. Talk about it tomorrow? I'm getting pretty tired now."

„Sure. Goodnight, Katherine." he whispered in her ear and pressed a soft kiss on the top of her head.

„Don't call me Katherine, Richard." she murmured, and slowly fell asleep in his arms.


End file.
